After a year of food at the midn of night, breasts with leaks and elastic pants, I am finally starting to feel like me again. Since I gave birth to my second son, Emiliano, I have been waiting (yearning?
Jannelle and her
When my four -year -old was a baby, I felt rooted in my new reality about seven months. Before her, he had never changed a diaper or shaken a newborn. But somehow, seven months after bringing her home from the hospital, I felt like me. Maybe even a better version of me. More capable, someone who got used to new skills such as batheing a undulating baby or opening a stroller with one hand. Every month, I shared photos of her and I on Instagram, partly because I worshiped showing her, but also, because I felt very happy, and to be honest, proud, how quickly I returned to myself. I wanted to show all my friends, the old I am still here! You can have a baby and still meet with friends for movie nights! And take your baby to walk! And hang out in the cafes. “I thought I had dominated the art of weaving the baby in my life.
Today? I have 14 months after delivery and I still feel completely different from that old version of Jannelle. For example, I am definitely more scattered brain. Throughout the university, he juggled with the full class course while maintaining part -time job, and I never lost a deadline or a shift. And in my early career, I worked full time, I went to the gym five times a week, I read books (!) And I met with friends. But this year, I can barely be aware of the smallest things. This summer, I accidentally left the refrigerator door open three times, while I hurried to go out the door. After the third time it happened, I broke in tears in our kitchen, sobbing my husband Max: “I am running with half of my brain. This is not me. “Ten months after Emiliano was born, I finally realized that during this stage of life, I cannot do everything I did in my life before the baby. And that has been a pill difficult to swallow.
Fortunately, over time, I have found some things that help me feel at home in my mind and body. Making three mile races remind me that my body can climb hills and explode in sprints. And wearing my golden hoops every day add glamor to my jeans uniform and a shirt. The biggest game change? Finally, hugging the fact that he would never return to the woman who was before the children. At first, even thought made me feel like a failure, as if motherhood had consumed all my identity. But now he feels liberating. I feel open to creating new rituals, such as awakening early to sneak into a chapter of a dreamy novel. I also give me motivation and peace to say no to the old habits that do not serve me (how to look Traitors Episodes until 1 in the morning) I only have two months after I no longer try to feel like “Jannelle Pre-Kid”, but so far these two months have made my head feel clearer and more satisfied in my role as a mother.
Curious to listen to the perspective of a more experienced father, I contacted Abbey Nova, a mother of 15-year-old children, and shares similar feelings: “I felt that” I should “return to” normal “, but motherhood changed me forever. Motherhood eliminated the decorative elements and revealed the structural bones of who I was And focused.
Becoming a father has brought so much goodness to my life. How to experience my daughter’s magic, recognize me for the first time, and track my son’s profile while sleeping, so perfect that it actually makes me cry. But paternity also comes with growth pain, and it is reassuring to know that I am not the only one who tries to meet again. Even the goddess Rihanna said that motherhood threw her into a change of identity of 180 degrees.
Jannelle and Emiliano
If you have children, do you feel that you have returned to your old being? Or do you feel like a different version of yourself since it becomes a father? I would love to hear your thoughts. Maternity is so personal and nuanced and having a safe space to share ups and downs is a gift. Xoxo
PD try slow upsbringing, and when did you join your baby?
