“My sister is looking at her daughter’s custody barrel,” he wrote a cup of Jo Reader called Jess. “To waste that time with her currently seems impossible to reach an agreement. It would be wonderful to hear how others have found it: the challenges, practical aspects and (especially) unexpected joys.” A reader named Sarah replied: “Oh, my God, I face this problem and I feel so lost and disconsolate. Yes, please.”
So! We asked nine divorced women about life with joint custody: good parts, difficult parts and what surprised them. Here are your answers (and if you are ready to share, we would also love to listen to your experiences) …
I realized that you don’t have to be about 100% of the time to be a good father:
“I have my seven -year -old son for a week, then a week off. At first, I couldn’t imagine being away from him for so long. But I had some divorced friends, and they guided me through the grieving process. A friend told me:” You can call me day or night, and I will be there. “The gestures like that were my life. Very funny. He used to think that a ‘good mother’ was with her children all the time, but that is not true. The reality is that it can be a current father and make his son feel loved and sure without being with them 24/7 “. – Emily
I found space to explore my rarity:
“We ‘nest’ during the first year, which means that our children stayed in the apartment, and my ex and I rented a room in a room on the street, where we went out when it was not our time with the children. Leaving my children, as the real act of leaving, that first weekend was so difficult. I was hard when I put on the weekend. Of myself, I build my queer community and the work in my own. Silver
I was alone in my house for the first time, always:
“My divorce occurred after years of being a ‘married single father’. I worked full time and He assumed most of the domestic and care work. I had never been alone in my house! Not even for an hour! So, that first weekend was magical. I went to bed. I went for a walk for myself. I ate what I wanted (Curry Thai) When I wanted (9 pm) where I wanted (in bed, alone)! My baseline for years It had been overestimulated, with excess of work, always multitasking, always putting others first, and operating from a scarcity mentality when it comes to time. In fact, I am surprised by the little sadness that has come for my weekends ‘OFF’. Another shock? Feeling closer than ever with my children, after divorce. My spouse and I were not aligned in the breeding instincts or the views of the world, so although it is difficult to know that they are getting a very different experience in Dad’s house, I finally arrived at the parents how I always dreamed of raising the children. This brings so much joy and confidence to my role as a mother. ” – Annie
I learned to drive a tractor and hang shelves:
“There are times when I miss my children, of course, but I feel alive in a way that I have not done in years. I love seeing my friends more frequent time, I feel very close to them.
My female friendships flourished:
“Real talk: I thought I was going to die the first twice that I didn’t have my daughter. I missed her so much and I felt destructed not to be with her every day. The grieving process was heartbreaking. Over the years, I discovered that prioritizing friendship helped the most. Important holidays, holidays and long weekends along with our girls.
Mom helping her son through a difficult level of Super Mario Land, 1989.
I can be more present with my children because I have breaks:
“One of the most important problems in our marriage was the unequal distribution of child care work, so when we divorced, I admit it, I really loved that my ex had to share time. I felt that ‘I will finally know how disruptive children are the children of working life; finally, you will feel the pain of the 2:55 pm of collection!’ Yes, it was an adjustment. are With me, I am more present because I know it is not endless. So, I can lock and be with them, knowing that a break is baked. ” – Cindy, author of Mother Lode
My worst fears did not come true:
“I pushed the divorce too much time due to the fear of divided custody. I would play scenes in my film and television head, as well as the divorced mothers crying at home without their children, wondering what their lives had turned. My children are seven and 10, and I asked myself if I could keep it together until my children turned 18. But then I realized how far it was. Sharing huge custodian, a great weight. -Amanda, author of Touched and the Newsletter Mad Women, and Coanfrerion of Dire Straightts
I go to your school excursions in my ‘turned off’:
“Although we have been co -spending for a decade, I still feel the duality of loving and regretting my time without my daughter. In my free days, I have involved more in his school, such as excursions and extracurricular activities. We also gave him a phone, so he could have autonomy between the houses to talk to the other parents, and I like that they can exchange all the time.
The time to alone became one of the best parts:
“To my surprise, what feared me most turned out to be the biggest advantage of this 50/50 copy configuration. I was terrified of weekends where I would not have the children. I thought I would be miserable, depressed in my apartment. But while I miss the children, I am excited to have weekends for me, to recharge, spend time with my friends or simply sit in my coefficient and have to read completely.” – Tina
Do you share the joint custody of your children? What has been your experience? Any advice would you share?
PD: Five things that surprised me about divorce and the script we use to talk to children about divorce.
PPS and, in Big Reed, how did you feel sex for the first time after divorce, and how do you know if it’s time to divorce?
(Photos, Top, Atolas/Stocksy, Studio Signature/Stocksy, Scott Wolford, Evgenij Yulkin/Stocksy, and Bruce and Rebecca Meissner/Stocksy).
