How Do You Mother Yourself?

This week, I have been destroying an advanced copy of Awake, an upcoming memory by Jen Hatmaker (September 23) about waking up one night and listening to her husband on the phone, whispering sweets from another person to another person. That is page one. The rest of the book follows what happens next, and is a wild trip.

But here is the part that I want to share today: during therapy, Jen cares about her children, when her therapist suggests: “Why don’t you spend some energy by killing yourself?” When Jen feels confused, after all, he is constantly reviewing the things on her outstanding tasks, her therapist asks: “Jen, what would a good mother do here?”

Suddenly, the answer is clear: “Tell me that you drink more water and stop stalking Facebook,” he replies.

During the next few weeks, Jen leans in this idea of taking care of herself, “not as a teacher who assigns reference points, not as a preacher who dictates behaviors, not as a coach promoting the game call … but as a mother who deals with the small heart, body and feelings of her beloved as if they were more than work speed.”

How beautiful is that?

During difficult times, how do you parents? Put yourself to bed early? Do you watch a comfort movie? Communicate with your loved ones? Sometimes, if I am lying in bed and I am beating for something that I would like to have done differently, say, a work task or interaction with my children, I will tell myself the simple phrase: “I am learning.” For me, it is a relief to recognize that I do not do everything perfectly, I make mistakes, and that’s fine! We are all work in progress; The best thing we can expect and fight is to grow up and learn. And, maybe, drink more water.

PS: The best parenting advice I have received and the trick of the Grand Canyon for the Weorriers.

(Photo by Joanna and Anton, 2013)